Saturday, August 23
Saturday, August 23 >> 12:16:30 PM
I screwed up the comments page. Spent 3 hours fiddling with it but never got anything. Tripod really sucks now. I'm really tired :( so if anyone wants to mail me, here's my e-mail icha@graffiti.net
[comments]
Thursday, August 21
Thursday, August 21 >> 5:45:47 PM
It's so unbelievable that anyone would stumble across my site, even more incredible that they would leave a comment =)
Because no one reads my site, and I don't have anything worthwhile for me to say here and for people to read too, so I've left this site here for ages. I feel ashamed sometimes when I read my own thoughts, rambling about my games and my stuff. I
don't have anything good to offer, noone wants to hear about my life. I do have plenty of things to say actually. But it really touches me when someone leaves a comment for me =) I don't usually get comments but when I do get one, it really makes me happy.
Well, it's August 2003 now, I think the last time I edited this site was in January 2002. I had my SPM (Malaysian Certificate of Examination) last year. It was the biggest examination for me then, but this year I'm having my Bursary Examination, which is going to be again the biggest examination for me. For my SPM results, I think they were better than my standards, God truly had helped me in it. I recall myself praying last year that the Lord would help me in my studies. Bursary this year would be so much more important than SPM, it would partially determine my future in tertiary education. So, I pray that the Lord would help me too. When will I ever say to God, "Oh, I don't need help right now, thanks =)"....
I cannot live, without Him.
Lost in love and dancing?
It really sounds mysterious and perhaps enigmatic, how can someone who has lost in love be happy and dancing? It's all but a sham, I admit it. There was no such thing =) Without God's love I can't imagine how I would be...and we will always have God's love. "Nothing can separate us from the love of God". This site really has not much content. My class page 4S3 has lost the class photo, hmmm - and I never wrote about my class last year, 5S3. I truly miss them, especially after coming here to New Zealand, I wish I had done something to keep them in the 'hall of memories' or 'walk of fame' sort of thing. But they were truly dear and they were a past. This year I'm breaching new grounds, one of the most challenging things where I totally have no confidence in myself is taking the English subject. Today we studied poetry. I am so poor in it, but the poet was talking about her baby daughter drawing an elephant in bed on top of a tree with a ladder. The mother was confounded by the drawing and asked all sorts of questions, "Why the ladder?"... She said in the end, that people grow up and slowly their life and thinking sort of become a rail way, where the route is always fixed.
Maybe that's why I find it so shameful to read my own diary, look at my own webpage. =) We can nolonger fathom a child's imagination
Life has changed - though I still play games, but they're only a distraction so that I do not become over-stressed. No more of the ever-powerful firkraag, and the scouring for modifications and all the obsessive map making and forum chatting. I missed them, but it's just a past. Once in a while, especially when we are flashbacked by something to our past - we all feel the 'lost of innocence', we all feel that we've lost something.
But actually we've not gained anything before - all is still there, nothing is lost. If you are reading this, then you are the same as me. We still have our lives and that is the only thing that is at risk of being lost. - So save it while we are still here, don't have to fear and dread. In God's mighty wings, past and future are all secure - our lives will be too. Dear God, I know that you are Lord and this world will pass away one day. Come into my heart once again this moment and dwell in me, save me from my sins and be with me always. You are my Lord I will follow you all the days of my life. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Now I've done it, hope to see you there one day... =)
p/s: A very very very big thank you to all who gave me comments, it lifted me up in the most crestfallen situations. I really really really appreciate it ^_^ God bless you~
[comments]
Tuesday, January 29
Tuesday, January 29 >> 9:21:04 PM
Are there actually still people coming to my site?? I've like left this for so long already - I'm sick of making a site that nobody reads. I usually post my more 'spiritual' and personal thoughts on www.mydeardiary.com.
God bless ya all
[comments] Thursday, December 13
Thursday, December 13 >> 12:24:47 AM
Helo, the one responding through my page. I would love to contact you but your e-mail seems to lead to a void. I haven't got any responds from anybody yet so I've let this site to rot. There's so many things I hate about this whole page's layout and stuff. I just don't have the patience and determination to redo another one. But I love it here where I can post whatever things I think about and nobody would know it, although deep inside I wish someone would read it and respond to me.
God shows us what we have to learn in life, He gave us our life and what we have in life is grace. We have an obligation to the holy spirit in doing good. I have always lived a life where I live with greed. I want to be good, I want the best of life, I want to live a great life, I pray for that , that God would make my life great. I feel that's so greedy now, I don't even deserve what I have now and I'm asking for something great? God has gave us life, so enjoy it. I also have always been looking up to the good people, and the great people, I want to be them...then what do they bring back after they die? Everything is lost. Name? Fortune? Greatness? the only thing that I know will still sustain are the people you bound. Bible says that whatever we bind on earth will be bound in heaven. The friends you make. But apparently I'm just comforting myself with all these because I'm just not as good as everyone.
Ah what the heck - what am I saying this to anyway
[comments] Thursday, October 4
Thursday, October 4 >> 9:21:25 PM
Ahh...I just want to die....
DIE!!!!!!
[comments] >> 12:28:16 AM
hi everybody....
though I know there's actually nobody here....
how are you going? how's life over there? got any interesting things to share? well I do. It is about the greatest of God and His love. Let me give you a simple illustration of His love. Say, think of that particular person which you hate. If you hate no-one think of someone who disgusts you, if noone disgusts you, think of someone who you dislike, who you avoid all the time, that person whom has made fun of you when you were young, some big bully in school, anybody whom you loathe....know him? Okay, let me ask you a question...will you take a bullet for that guy? Take a bullet for this guy who is a disgrace to mankind, who you can call 'waste', this guy who is totally not-worth-it to befriend with, this guy who just does anything to take happiness from you. Well, that's a little of how much God loves us.
We could take a bullet for someone we love, or someone who's really great and well-known, coz you know that you'll die with honor. No soldier would want to defend a 'lame' country. But we're sinners, we're lowly beings, we're disgraceful, we're puny and totally useless, but Jesus died for us, everyone of us. What's the honor in dying for someone who's totally not worth it? Well that's how much God loves us...more than we can ever comprehend.
Tests are just round the corner, 4 more days for me and slightly more than a week for my 'friend'. I wonder if she is being disturbed. Gosh...I pray God will help her.
Oh I got my telephone bills today and I got scolded by my parents! Local calls = RM50, that's a decent increase my mom says and my mom is saying I should really stop calling whoever. Man she's getting suspicious. Yea, it's true I've been talking alot with my 'friend' lately. Oh boy I don't know what to do now...is this the Lord's sign that I should stop? What does He want me to do when He has brought me this far already? Is this actually His will from the beginning? I prayed for His will to be done and not mine. Ohhh...
Haven't bought any games :) That's good...
But I bought a vcd - Kiss of the dragon. Really cool fighting!
yep, stay cool...
[comments] Monday, October 1
Monday, October 1 >> 9:48:08 PM
Whenever I hear the song My Love by Westlife. I always remember the school singing competition. It was an interclass singing competition, something like a choir. I joined it because I wanted to use alittle of my nearly picked up vocal lessons. Of course I wasn't anygood but I wanted to sing. Our class had alot of problems, we changed many songs before we came up with a song, initially we sang Flying without wings also by Westlife, then around a 1 week before the competition, we changed to My Love. Eventually I didn't get to sing, coz that song was too high pitched for me so I just played the guitar. We practised for merely only a few times, and we had totally no hope of getting anything, we were very skeptical and very scared and very confused. Some people who got tired of us just left the group, so what remains was that few who were practically better friends with me. Sometimes we would hear other classes practise and we would just say, 'oh this is absurd, they're so good!'. We came up with our own styles everything and then on the day of competition, all the other classes were so well prepared and they were kinda 'proud'....we were like the 2nd one to compete and the good ones are behind. I remembered before we went in, I prayed together with my friend who had just recieved Christ, just a short prayer and we went it. Everything went well and we came out...When everything is over and the results are being calculated, everyone sort of already knew who was the best and who would get first prize. We actually didn't put any hope on us, we also knew that we had no hope at all. Then the results came and we got First prize!!!! Wow, my friend from other class said it was wrong and there's something CRAZY about the judges, they're so disatisfied with the results. Ahahaa...that was really a shock for us you know? I'm really happy and all my mates are really happy. We were like from ZERO to HERO! hahaha....I really praise God, I guess God really heard our little prayer that day.
[comments] Sunday, September 30
Sunday, September 30 >> 1:58:47 AM
I've been reading the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes everyday for quite long already, almost a year and a half and the thing I really like about it after reading it so much.....is really the friendship between Calvin and his tiger Hobbes. While this friendship is known by noone but him because when there are people around, hobbes the tiger turns into a simple stuffed toy. Hobbes is with Calvin everyday wherever he is, except school. If you follow the strip, you'll really admire their friendship. That kind of relationship that other people envy...
All these great comic strips...have you read their last strip? I've only read 2, which are peanuts and Calvin and hobbes, and wow....they just have magic in them. You've been reading everyday their strip and it's like you're reading what the drawer thinks everyday, it's like he has this queer notion about life, or people that he likes to share with the world. Many times it's so true that we overlook it in some ways. The last strip of calvin and hobbes doesn't do a job of last strips....it doesn't conclude the strip, it doesn't conclude a story or anything, it is an end that doesn't end. On the other hand it is like a end that signals a beginning that we have to continue in our own lives. We have to take over from now on...
as I said it...magical....
[comments] Saturday, September 29
Saturday, September 29 >> 11:47:55 PM
GOD is Great!
I say again, God is Great!!!
Everything that is happening in my life, and now. I can't find words to say it, not even if I chained up a hundred words. I don't know I so want to tell it to everyone here, but I just don't know how to express it! Mann....God is good...and God is great!
sigh...God is gREAT!
[comments] Friday, September 28
Friday, September 28 >> 12:25:12 AM
I saw Commandos 2 and.....WOW! I'm going to get this game! Double cool...
AAAAhh.....did you guys see the Final Fantasy X movie series? I don't know what that is, but I saw it today at a video retail store and I'm going to buy it...Yes I'm going to buy it, it look so damn cool! With the Blitzball game, wow and Tidus' hair flying! Man....I'm still so struck with awe here! I have to get it! It comes with a poster too...
Talking about Final Fantasy, the person I really admire is...Tetsuya Nomura.
He's the person responsible for all the character creation in the past few Final Fantasies as I know it. He created Squall, Tidus, Yuna, Sephiroth, Cloud, Tifa, Aeris...all of them! He's really cool, but I think he didn't create any of Final Fantasy IX's characters.
Did you guys notice that Final Fantasy IX is really different from Final Fantasy 8 and 10. I guess that's coz the whole development team is different. But the taste you can really differe from there. I just like every final fantasies characters more than the lesser ones, except for final fantasy 9. I used to like Cloud alot and then, Squall I was totally intrugued for a while, and now...Tidus. Ahhh I can't help it, his hair is so cool!
Damn ah...this thing, always get me addicted.
[comments] Wednesday, September 26
Wednesday, September 26 >> 3:16:21 PM
Can't find Throne of Bhaal!
I found Commandos 2 and Red Faction though, but I wasn't going to buy it there. I think I'm going to get Commandos 2, but I'll have to wait for some while for 'that shop' to have it. I hope it comes with Throne of Bhaal too. I knew I should have bought throne of bhaal when I saw it! dang
Nevertheless, I bought the 'charcoal pencil' and wow...it looks neat but it's very expensive, RM 4.80 for a single stick! I think I don't know how to use it...hahaha...man.....
You know if I can, I wish to be an Art student, that means I take Art as a major subject in university. Much like April Ryan artist :)
I would really like to be able to draw portraits using pencil sketching. You know, like in Titanic? I think I got inspired by this guy whom I saw him drawing people for $30 per piece. He was cooool....it was during a festival at a town hall. Never seen these kind of people again. Who would want to get his own portrait to be drawn? hmm...if I could I would like to draw a few more pieces before I start my chinese painting.
cheers mate
[comments] >> 1:29:51 AM
Weightlessness
Have you ever felt totally weightless? That means you're experiencing a g-force of 0 g. Usually it's when you're on a rollercoaster ride, skydiving, freefalling. Man...that feeling is cool
------------
I am really going to buy some games.
tomorrow I'll drop by the shopping mall and get:
1) Charcoal Pencil (the one used for sketching in Titanic)
2) Baldur's Gate 2:Throne of Bhaal
basicly it's just these 2, but I might also look for,
- Commandos 2
- Operation Flashpoint:Cold War Crisis
- Red Faction
- Shrek Soundtrack
- some vcds.....
wahh...how much do I have? I only have around 40 dollars...
damn....but it's quite long since I bought any discs :) last one was Max Payne which isn't really long afterall.
[comments] Tuesday, September 25
Tuesday, September 25 >> 1:23:12 AM
Event Horizon
Only tonight then I bumped into the meaning of this thing. Before this I only knew that it was a really scary film which sent me shivers. Wow all these is so interesting! Event Horizon, a point of no return. It is the core of a blackhole, a region in space which nothing can escape, if nothing can travel beyond the speed of light. Should the object be emitting something, after it is enveloped by the event horizon, not even the emissions that traced its existence will escape the black hole.
Since young, I knew that someone who entered the black hole, he'll be ripped off!! But I found out just now that, no one outside of the event horizon of a black hole is capable of observing the breakdown of classical physics inside a black hole (Hawking 115). However, the black hole is also unforgiving towards those who would dare enter the event horizon (Hawking 115).
Wow, Stephen Hawking is cool. I like sci-fi....maybe I'll get his book "A brief history of Time"
[comments] Monday, September 24
Monday, September 24 >> 1:30:35 PM
Videogame Buylist:
- Baldur's Gate 2:Throne of Bhaal
- Commandos 2
- Operation Flashpoint:Cold War Crisis
you know what? I'm very tempted to buy a Playstation 2.
[comments] >> 1:33:55 AM
Baldur's Gate 2 - videogame rant
Killed Firkraag the big bad dragon on Core difficulty today. I actually killed him twice, but the first battle I lost 2 men which I don't know where they went, either petrified and smashed into smithereens or whatever. The 2nd battle I did it nice and smooth, man it was so cool. Well of course, I killed him after I came back from Underdark and my characters are very high level, nevertheless Firkraag on core level is still....hard!
The 2nd battle was really beautiful, I surrounded my men around Firkraag, Imoen and Vicconia further away. I summoned some nishruu's and some hakeshar's, I boosted most of all the protections I had and the spells I use to trigger him hostile was, greater malison, lower resistance and power word:silence. The silence one is really good, it makes him silenced without a save! So he can't cast many of his domination, firespells, fear...etc. I just pounded him and he died about a while. My characters didn't need healing :) Well it's not as beautiful as a one hit kill with my Quivering Palm, which he managed to save it. Uhh...got the Carsomyr +5 again.
I really love my characters, I don't know which one to pick if I wanted to play a solo one. But amongst all of them I think there are a few best ones: Monk, Barbarian and the Kensai/mage. My Swashbuckler/mage isn't very powerful but has spells and has thief abilities. I left out my Inquisitor, maybe I'll use him again and beef him up since Throne of Bhaal he gets some special abilities and he can use the Carsomyr +5 and then +6 again in Throne of Bhaal. To be frank I think a cleric is mighty powerful! He has really kewl spells like Heal and Harm, which heals fully your character and all it's ailments while harm gets the enemies' hp's down to 1 if you hit. Really cool...
Oh and I found a way to make your mages very cool, first you use the Robe of Vecna, which it will speed up your casting times. Then you use whatever spells to lower your AC to the lowest possible! I did mine to -13 and I couldn't get hit, so my spells don't get distrupted. =) Mages are cool too...I sold most of my stuff today, really getting stuffy...
Un I can't wait to play Throne of Bhaal! check out all the items!
I've been trying to get Throne of Bhaal for quite sometime, still can't find the 1st class discs.
Peace~
[comments] Sunday, September 23
Sunday, September 23 >> 10:13:09 PM
"I've always had alot of things to die for, you gave me something to live for....
- Bruno, The Operative: No One Lives Forever
[comments] >> 12:38:35 AM
My eyes are really killing me
Now I feel kinda weird typing on my computer, I think I'm need glasses even to see this short distance. And when I use my current glasses for a while, my eyes get all tired and itchy and uncomfortable. Somethings wrong with my glasses, somethings wrong with my EYE! ARGg....GOD HELP ME!
Man I really need to save for a refractive surgery.
[comments] >> 12:25:11 AM
A friend of mine died yesterday. He just left like that, one morning. He suffered leukemia, and had nose cancer. Aahh...only 16 years old and DEAD!
I didn't know him too well, we spent little of our childhood times together in the same primary classes. He was a little fellow, and a playful one. I came home still with a shock that day when my friend had told me the news. Deep inside although I hadn't alot of memories with him, I had one very very vivid memory that still remains in here after so many years. I remember it was primary 3, 7 years ago. I was doing my own stuff when I had caught sight of this boy quarrelling with another bigshot. That guy's a big bully and this little boy had seem to accidentally knocked him somewhere and that bully was so upset that he took a piece of wood and just slam it into that boys body. That piece of wood didn't hit him on the face, or the hands or legs, it hit him somewhere in the....private part. I was watching from behind and I saw this boy crying in pain and using his hands to ease the pain down there in front of everybody. Everyone was laughing at him, and I was just so struck with pity....
*sigh* - I guess that was my memory of him. He was short and stout, mosquitoe bite wounds around his hands and legs...and I heard he had nose cancer one day and was admitted to the hospital. It was scary, and then I heard he was diagnosed for Leukemia, and one morning I heard he just past away.
Keddie Chung
(1985-2001)
May the Lord have mercy on your soul
[comments]Thursday, September 20
Thursday, September 20 >> 4:49:57 PM
Everything I do and anything I do, I just seem to suffer an ignominous fate....
[comments] Wednesday, September 19
Wednesday, September 19 >> 10:54:49 PM
Hey my mail box hit 123 mails!
[comments] >> 1:22:21 AM
Tribute to April Ryan, the life and person I absolutely admire...
[comments] Tuesday, September 18
Tuesday, September 18 >> 10:29:46 PM
School starts tomorrow. Tests coming up real soon. I really gotta study now.
[comments] The blogs on this page are opinions from me solely. You're free to believe otherwise however those who do not conform will be eliminated. No one is responsible for what I say or believe. | 
